Celebrated mem’s birthday!

No, not my own mom, but my other own mom! As in Michelle’s mother. She is like a second mother to me, so I figured I could call her secretly mem (fries for mother). I told her that I loved her as a second mother today, she got really happy and I got all fuzzy and warm inside, felt nice to express it. She has done so much for both of us and she is like a rock in a very wavy ocean for me sometimes.

We celebrated it at their place, with her mother, father and sister there. Michelle came dressed as herself and it was a surprise for the others. They handled it well, a lot of staring went on though but I do not think it was malicious. Probably just surprised, Michie’s grandmother kept going on about how beautiful she was. Makes me happy to hear!

They left after three-four hours of just socializing, eating snacks and drinking wine. When I three-kissed the grandma goodbye I got a heavy longing for my own grandmother, I guess she just has that aura. We enjoyed two more hours just talking about a lot of things with Michie’s mother and Frans.

It wasn’t a lot of vegan options in the beginning and I did not want to be an inconvenience and say anything, I felt it was very impolite but Michelle did anyway and they brought out cherry tomatoes and some nuts for me, yay! That and some very spicy olives, for once I actually enjoyed eating olives, might be time to try normal ones again? Your tastebuds do change.

We talked a lot about pansexuality, trans*, Michelle – everything about her, including transitioning etc, families, opinions from others, insecurities, sexualities overall… a lot of subjects bounced around.

Doggies were fun obviously, very cute and cozy to pat and hug. Intensely cute!

My family is coming down again this summer, in two-three weeks, grandma is coming down too – yay!

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How to cover that pesky beardshadow! #mtf #trans*

We recently discovered a better way of covering 5 o’clock shadow on Michie, and we had way more improvements with it than with just padding on more and more foundation to try and hide it. I will walk you through it step by step, it might not come as news for you but for some that reads it might be a game changer!

First, you need to cover your 5 o’clock beardshadow with a lipstick, a matte one. Now you wonder “but why lipstick?”, apparently there is pigment in the lipstick that will hide the grayish/blueish tone of your shadow really well under foundation. We tried a bright red lipstick, no glitter or shimmer, just a normal one. But I recommend an orange-towards-the-beige one, we had issues with a very pinkish tone with the foundation and had to apply three layers to go back to natural face colour.

It does not need to be a very thick layer, just draw some lines with the lipstick and use a make up sponge or pad to pull it out to cover. It can be a bit see through and don’t worry about the brightness of it, it will be covered.

After you have applied the lipstick you have to wait for it to dry up and set in. When that is done you start applying foundation, take a click of it on your pad/brush and draw lines close to your jawline, the shadow is the worst to hide there for Michelle, might not be for you, but it gives you a better way to work it up.

Start padding it in, no lines with the brush/pad you are using, if you start pulling it upwards or down it will take the lipstick with it and integrate it with the foundation and it will be even harder to hide the shadow. Just pad it in gently, the line you drew will have to up towards your cheekbones, half way over your chin and mouth arc, and then down over your throat (this will be hard to not make a big foundation line, but do not worry, you will fix that after you have gotten your face on).

You do it on both sides, after you have successfully covered your shadow – might take one to three applications of foundation layers you have to start working on your T-shape (forehead and nose), when you have successfully gotten a unified colour for your whole face you can start working on getting it on your neck too. Do not apply foundation to your neck, do it under your chin and jawbone, you will have to pad it downwards.

When that has been done to satisfaction, start trying to remove/pad your neck to make it look more natural, watch out to not remove foundation over your shadow, that will be hell to fix.

I suppose you are done now with the neck, take a look in the mirror, if your shadow is completely gone good job! If not, try and add another layer of foundation (do not use bronzing or darker powder on your 5 o’clock shadow, it will make it stand out again sadly). But you can very simply take a matte nude powder alike to your foundation to remove shine, just brush very gently and very soft over everything to not remove foundation and your cover lipstick.

You are done! Now you can do whatever you want, welcome to the world of make up!

Michelle welcomes you to the side of the magic!

Amsterdam & new manga!

We have been ordering clothes, make up and manga all around this month. Received a whole lot of money and still incoming more. 300~ from my zorgtoeslag (“care allowance” from the money I pay to my insurance, it is kinda like getting huurtoeslag – “rent allowance”, toeslag*) and incoming vacation money this future week.

*toeslag – to put it simple, you get a percentage back for rent and insurance that you pay. Our rent here is 380 euros and we get back 180 euros per month for our huurtoeslag.

So we ordered a lot of nice clothes for Michelle – both that she can wear right now and some she can wear after a couple of years on HRT. We also bought a new fabulous mascara which is absolutely amazing, the company is sadly not vegan but it is cruelty free (Charlotte Tilbury false eyelashes). We bought some eye shadows too, can’t remember from where now.

Obviously I jumped the gun and bought a bulk of manga, I am not even done! I have four volumes of a completed manga to buy when our vacation money hits too. I bought four volumes of Suki-tte Ii Na Yo – also known as Say I Love You in English (it is hella weird to look up manga and anime by their English names, at least for me) – and four volumes of Citrus. Citrus were ordered first but the first and second volume was out of stock so they have to backorder it, baaah, it is taking a lot of time. But I already got my other, and the next manga collection I am going for is The Earl and The Fairy.


We went to Amsterdam today, for an intake at the gender dysphoria clinic. We were not in the middle of Amsterdam – a bit sad – but the hospital there was huge and bustling with both life and colour. Very vibrant!

The wait time after this now is so long, she also has another appointment at another gender dysphoria clinic (which I mentioned in another post) and we have decided that if she does not hear antyhing from the clinic in Amsterdam before July she will go also go on an appointment at the other clinic, they might be faster at getting it done. She is tired of waiting, she has waited her whole life for it already. I can understand her frustration, you want it now obviously and not later when you aren’t as pass-able.

We saw a lot of genuinely interesting people at the clinic waiting room, i know there is a lot of discussion about FTM not being so outwards and talkative about it, but we saw more FTM than MTF there – at least at the time we were there.

Nails and cutie!

We did some nail manicure for Michi today, forgot to file them down though, so they have the jagged edge from biting them still, but they look nice with the really baby pink polish and glitter.

We also tried a different hairstyle, a semi-high pony tail with only bangs and a bit of pulled out hair, might try another style next time~.

“Look at the hair on my fingers, time to get rid of them!” – Michelle 2016

Social Exhaustion…

Been out all day almost to eat dinner and celebrate my belate birthday with Mich’s mother and her husband, and their two doggies. We went away around 15.30 and came home around 20.30, and now we are playing Diablo 3 together with Faye, Ashe and Crool. Sadly you can only be four in a group.

Did make up for Michelle today, it might have been because my hands were sweaty or the room was very warm/humid so the foundation powdered up a bit, but blending it a bit more helped. I naaaaailed that fucking eye liner though, looks good on both eyes. I get better and better at make up, which makes me able to use more techniques on Michelle which makes her in turn happy which makes me happy!

I am so tired after interacting with so many people today, so I am just a bit silent and just listening to people talking, it is quite soothing.

We drank wine, both white and red, very good quality and taste. We ate also a vegetarian dish, with a lot of vegetables!

Mich was very cute today, her jeans were right on point, couldn’t stop touching or sneaking glances at her little behind.

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