Can’t sleep…

Went to bed late like usual with Michelle, around 3.00, woke up again and tossed until now (5.05) and then I decided to go up. I am completely and fully awake i.e I do not feel a single shred of fatigue in my body, only in my eyes – but not the sort of tiredness you need to sleep. Is this nicotine craving induced or just a one-time thing? I really hope for the latter.

I feel horrible for actually waking up Michelle putting on clothes, I tried to do it very silently but she has a sensitive sleepsense for that apparently. Or the light from the moon in our roofwindow gets shadowed by me multiple times in a row and that messes with the eyelid sensitivity? Either way I still feel guilty for telling her to fall asleep again, knowing it is a 50/50 chance for her to be able to do so…


Time to showcase my new mage in World of Warcraft – the best time of the day to do so too! Haha, don’t want this post to only be complaining. I do have a smexy mage! I have fun again in WoW and I am looking forward to Legion. Probably because I am playing with people I enjoy playing with now and there are little to none obligations and responsibilities. This blog has seen its fair share of me complaining about officer-life…

Apparently I also have a thing for making my characters look like different classes compared to what class they are. My druid looks like a rogue, my mage looks like a priest and my priest looks like a warlock. I have no idea why!

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I know it’s early but… good morning!

A small Q&A #2…

Ohai there again, there will be two big segments like last time. Let’s dive in! For newer readers this is a serie of blogposts where I will answer questions, thoughts and just random pondering (from outside, me, Michelle, generic sources) about Michelle, trans*, our relationship and so on. It is based on what I have gotten asked to myself, what have been asked to Michelle and general ideas and thoughts I have come up with. Here is the earlier segment: A small Q&A #1…A small Q&A #1…. Oh, where to start? We covered a tiny chunk last time.


“Have you or Michelle lost contact with friends/family after she came out officially?” Yes. I have lost a couple and Michelle too, but our families are standing at our side, thankfully. I lost a few with just them being very rude about it and asking very poor formulated questions which I took offense too, I tried to be very polite about it but their attitudes did not change and it was a mutual agreement to remove each other from each others’ lives. Some just sneaky cut me off from FB after her big announcement, if I can’t remember who I probably wasn’t that close friends with them either (I have like 60~ friends currently – mostly family and friends from Sweden – and it dropped from 68~).

I think Michelle lost a lot of people, but they also were very rude about her coming out as trans* and asking people to use her new name and female pronouns – this is literally a simple act of respect, if you can’t even do this… anyway, the losses were few but we got such great support from the people that remained that it doesn’t even matter. You should not surround yourself with negativity generally.


“Lesbians now?” I guess now we could classify us as lesbians, but that restricts the personal knowledge we have. I do not get only attracted to females and neither does Michelle. First of all, we do not even get attracted to the genitalia, sex is just sex, but when you mix personality, individualism, an unspeakable bond with sex you get such a meaningful experience. You value the person based on them, not based on their junk.

It is such a freeing experience and way of life, when you stop thinking in only male-female perspectives, you think in a bigger and more person-based perspective instead. It has helped me value people more and value my relationship with Michelle much, much more. You also realize that the stereotypes each gender has been given are so unfair and not at all realistic – but I think this part ties in with almost every ideal you might have that promotes open minds and progressive thinking, not only being a pansexual.

Sexual acts do not only have to be about rubbing or penetrating, sex can be so much more sensual and the sensual sexlife we already have might get even more heightened in the future, which I am looking hella’ forward to. Wink~

Either way, as far as labels go, we are pannies by heart. No gender construct tying our feelings down. I know I have brought this up multiple times, but you do not understand how much I stress this to people and they still ask me if I enjoy munching the rug now and if all the boycraze in earlier years disappeared to (yeah… I do not remember it like that, I remember being confused and trying to hook up with guys just to prove that I am not abnormal, yet another post right there I think).


Look forward to the next part~!

Birthday celebrations

Well, sorry about yesterday I guess. I did not sleep for a whole night and I guess it amplified all the negative feelings I was carrying around, which resulted in a really big pity party post. Sorry, but not sorry, it is a personal blog after all!

Going to a friend today with Michelle, to celebrate his early birthday (he celebrates it officially tomorrow, but we are coming early). So gotta shower soon, help Michelle with her make up and then head out to the bus. Scary right? It is for Michelle, a little bit at least. But sometime you gotta go “full time” according to the transition therapy, sure she is not in the therapy now, but we can help the therapy a long way by already going full time. Michi’s mom will be bringing us home in the evening, buses stop going around six on the weekend, and staying only three hours on a Dutch birthday, nah, that is not appropiate. So she is going to pick us up and take us home afterwards.

So anyway, got to go and prepare ourselves, we still have some time to just chill around, but better be already done than rushing the procedures with showering, hair styling and make up!