Michelle found this nifty little “plug-in” for the computer, it has been so handy with my forgetfulness. Stick-it notes but on your screen, even if I would write it down in a calendar or on a paper I would forget about it sadly. Future plans:
Started playing Revelations Online with Frederik, might be some more in the guild that are interested. Would be fun to play all of us. I really enjoy it, but I still have the gaming curse. I get bored so easily, so do not want to end up overplaying it and get bored of it.
My mood is still being shit, had to ask Renny to leave early today, around 15min. But she was fine with it, very understanding. She just wants to see and check up on me mostly. I am glad that she seems to work with more basketcases like me, that can’t deal with real life. I don’t get how it isn’t tiring. Going to try and change medication or something.
I really hope I am able to sleep tonight. My body is getting used to not sleeping much… I go to bed at reasonable times, I end up just sitting staring into the wall or laying down staring into the ceiling and that is usually when the anxiety grips me. Which makes it impossible for me to relax and sleep. I keep on being overwhelmed by this sense of dread. That I can’t explain. I really dislike not being able to explain it properly. Then when I finally pass out – because even though I can’t sleep, I am deadtired throughout the whole day – I sleep very restless and very little, and my body is getting used to it… I do not know how to combat this.
Today I have felt like not having any kind of social contact, which is one of the reasons I did not want to meet up with Renny. The anxiety and self loathing is right at the surface and it feels like I will say something wrong or untimed and it will crack my all so “cheery” facade.
Oh, on another much lighter note: