It is a horrible, horrible, horrible day! Fuuuuck, why is nicotine/tobacco fucking legal from the beginning?! I am almost caving in already to go back to smoking, but not this time, not this time! I will fight it, I hate the fucking coldsweat, the shivering and the fucking anxiety but what I hate more than the withdrawals is taking a smoke and feeling how it kills you from the inside.
I swear, there is no one that actually WANTS to quit. They just do and they just do it. The whole reasoning with “to quit you have to want it too!” is pure bullshit. There is no addict that really, really, really wants to quit the addiction. But they just do it instead, I want to be a just do it person too! I do not want to struggle with the wanting, I just instead don’t and what I do is fighting it instead!
The reason they say the first week is the most horrible is because it is the week that introduce you, a person that has never had withdrawals before, to the withdrawals – not just some of them, all of them… it is pretty much like not exercising and then suddenly exercising everyday – your body, your mind and your hormones get shocked.
The worst part is that the anxiety that my mind and body gets from not getting any nicotine doubles my normal anxiety… not that great and we have a new person coming over for an appointment tomorrow. Just gotta get through it. “Hey hormones, let’s give the person with anxiety disorders more anxiety hohohoho best prank ever!”
Either way, I am taking my first step towards becoming a smoke-free person. Hooray for me!